What Are Core Values in a Relationship?
Core values are not preferences like enjoying the same movies or food. They are the fundamental beliefs that dictate how a person treats others, handles challenges, and lives their life. In a cross-cultural marriage, they are the common ground you will stand on when everything else feels different. Here are the ten you should prioritize.
1. Honesty
This is the bedrock of any relationship. In a long-distance or international context, trust is paramount. You need a partner who is transparent about her life, her intentions, and her feelings, even when it’s difficult. Honesty builds the trust necessary to overcome thousands of miles.
2. Loyalty
Many Western men seek foreign wives because they value traditional loyalty. This is a deep-seated commitment to her partner and the marriage covenant. It means she is dedicated to building a life with you and will stand by you through challenges.
3. Strong Family Orientation
This value is often a primary draw for men looking abroad. For women in the Philippines, Colombia, or Ukraine, family is often the center of their universe. This means she will likely be a devoted wife and mother, but it also means you are marrying into her family. You must respect her close ties and her potential desire to support her family back home.
4. Adaptability
For a woman to leave her home country, family, and culture to start a new life with you requires immense courage and adaptability. Look for a partner who shows curiosity about your culture, a willingness to learn, and the resilience to handle the challenges of moving to a new country.
5. Respect for Culture (Yours and Hers)
A successful partnership requires mutual respect. She should be interested in understanding your way of life, and you must show a genuine, non-judgmental interest in her traditions, language, and family values. This mutual respect is the key to bridging cultural gaps.
6. Open Communication
While there may be language barriers, a willingness to communicate openly is essential. This means she is willing to express her needs and listen to yours. It’s about the effort to understand and be understood, even if the grammar isn’t perfect.
7. Financial Harmony
This isn’t about how much money you have, but how you both view money. Do you share similar values about saving, spending, and financial goals? A partner who is responsible and shares your vision for a stable future is invaluable.
8. Shared Life Goals
Beyond the initial romance, you must be building towards the same future. The most important conversation you can have is about your long-term goals. Do you both want children? Where do you see yourselves living? What does a happy life look like to each of you?
9. Faith or Shared Spirituality
For many, a shared faith is a powerful unifier. If your faith is important to you, finding a partner who shares those spiritual values can provide a deep level of connection and a shared moral compass for navigating life’s decisions.
10. Patience and Kindness
A cross-cultural relationship will have its share of misunderstandings and challenges. A partner who is inherently patient and kind—who assumes the best of you and approaches disagreements with a desire for resolution, not conflict—is a true treasure.
Frequently Asked Questions About Core Values
What is the most important value in an international marriage?
While all are important, many successful couples point to **Adaptability** and **Respect for Culture** as the most critical. Without a mutual willingness to adapt and respect each other’s backgrounds, even a loving relationship can be strained by constant cultural friction.
How do I handle it if our religious values are different?
This requires deep and honest conversation. The key is mutual respect. You must discuss how you will raise children, celebrate holidays, and respect each other’s beliefs without trying to convert one another. If one person is not willing to respect the other’s faith, it is a major red flag.
Are Filipinas truly as family-oriented as people say?
Yes, for the most part. Filipino culture is deeply centered on the family unit, and it’s common for children to support their parents as they age. A Western man should see this as a positive trait of loyalty and be prepared to discuss it openly.
What does “respect” mean to a Ukrainian woman?
In many Eastern European cultures, respect is shown through traditional gender roles. A Ukrainian woman will often respect a man who is a strong, decisive leader and a reliable provider for the family. In turn, she expects to be treated with chivalry, care, and deep respect as the heart of the home.
How can I tell if she values honesty or is just telling me what I want to hear?
Look for consistency over time. Does her story change? Is she open to video calls at different times? Does she introduce you to friends or family on video? True honesty is consistent and transparent, while someone being deceitful will often have inconsistencies in their stories.
Do Latin women value family as much as Asian women?
Both cultures place an extremely high value on family, but it can manifest differently. Latin families are often characterized by passionate, expressive, and frequent social gatherings. Asian families might express their bond through duty, respect for elders, and mutual support. Both are deeply family-oriented.
Is it a red flag if she doesn’t want to work in my country?
Not necessarily. It depends on her reasons and your shared goals. Some foreign women embrace the role of a traditional homemaker. The important thing is to discuss this. Is it a temporary plan while she adapts, or a permanent desire? As long as you are both happy with the arrangement, it can work.
How do I discuss financial values without sounding rude or suspicious?
Frame the conversation about your shared future. Use “we” and “our” statements. Say something like, “As we plan our future together, it’s important for us to be on the same page about money. Can we talk about our dreams for saving and how we can work as a team?”
What if her political values are very different from mine?
This can be a challenge. The key is to determine if it’s a core value for you. Can you respect her right to her opinion without it causing constant conflict? If politics is central to your identity, finding someone with similar views might be necessary. If not, agreeing to disagree respectfully is possible.
How can we build new shared values as a couple?
Shared values are built through shared experiences. Create your own traditions as a couple. Travel together, take on a new hobby, volunteer for a cause you both believe in. This creates a unique “couple culture” that blends your backgrounds and strengthens your bond.
Conclusion
Emphasize that finding a woman with these core values is the foundation for a successful marriage that can withstand the challenges of distance and culture. It is a key step in the journey we outline in our ultimate guide to finding a wife.
