The Golden Rule: Never, Ever Send Money
Let’s be perfectly clear: This is the single most important rule of international online dating. There is **no legitimate reason** for a woman you have never met in person to ask you for money. A genuine, marriage-minded woman is looking for a loving husband, not a financial transaction. If she asks for money, she is not the right woman for you 100% of the time.
The Top 10 Red Flags of a Romance Scammer
Scammers are masters of manipulation, but they often use the same predictable script. Learn to recognize these warning signs.
- Her Profile is Too Perfect: The photos look like they’re from a modeling portfolio, she’s 20 years younger than you, a doctor or engineer, and she’s immediately smitten with your average profile. If it seems too good to be true, it almost always is.
- She Falls in Love Instantly (“Love Bombing”): Within days of chatting, she’s calling you her soulmate, her husband, and the love of her life. This is a manipulation tactic designed to lower your defenses.
- She Always Has an Excuse Not to Video Chat: This is the most reliable way to expose a scammer. They will say their camera is broken, the internet is bad, or they are too shy. A real woman who is serious about you will be excited to video chat.
- The Sob Story Emerges: After a few weeks of love bombing, a sudden crisis will appear. Her mother needs emergency surgery, she can’t pay her rent, or her laptop broke and she can’t talk to you anymore. The story always ends with a request for money.
- She Wants to Leave the Dating Site Immediately: Scammers want to move to an unmonitored app like WhatsApp or Telegram as quickly as possible, where they can’t be reported.
- Her Story Has Inconsistencies:Pay attention to the details. If she says she’s a surgeon but doesn’t know basic medical terms, or her stories about her family change, she is likely lying.
- She Asks You for Money: It bears repeating. The request can be small at first (“money for internet data”) to test you, then escalate. The answer must always be no.
- The “Visa Assistance” Trap: She might ask for money to get a passport or pay for a visa application to visit you. This is a scam. The visa process for an American man is initiated and largely paid for by the U.S. citizen petitioner.
- She Has No Digital Footprint: A real person usually has some form of social media history, friends, and family photos. A scammer’s profile is often new with few connections.
- Your Gut Tells You Something is Wrong: Trust your intuition. If a situation feels “off” or pressured, it probably is.
Your First Line of Defense: Choosing a Reputable Site
Scammers thrive on free, poorly moderated websites. Your first and best defense is to invest in a reputable platform with a history of connecting couples and a strong anti-scam policy. Paid sites filter out many scammers and attract women who are also serious enough to invest in their search.
Choosing a well-established service like A Foreign Affair, which has over 30 years of experience, or a highly-focused niche site like Christian Filipina, significantly reduces your risk and connects you with a more sincere user base.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the most common romance scam story?
The most common script involves a sudden medical emergency. Typically, the scammer will claim a close family member (usually their mother) is in the hospital and they need money immediately for a life-saving operation.
How can I verify if a woman’s photos are real?
Use a reverse image search tool like Google Images or TinEye. You can upload her photo to see if it appears elsewhere on the internet under a different name or on stock photo websites. This is a quick way to spot a fake profile.
Is it a scam if she asks for a small amount, like for phone credit?
Yes. This is often a test. Scammers start with small, seemingly innocent requests to see if you are willing to send money. If you send a small amount, they know you are a potential target for a much larger request later.
Why do scammers want to move the conversation to WhatsApp?
Dating sites have moderation teams and systems to detect scam-related keywords. Scammers want to move you to an unmonitored, encrypted app like WhatsApp so they can execute their scam without the risk of being caught and banned from the dating platform.
What should I do if I think I’m talking to a scammer?
Stop all communication immediately. Do not confront them or tell them you know they are a scammer. Simply block them on all platforms and report their profile to the dating site administration.
Are the women on paid dating sites safer than on free sites?
Generally, yes. Paid sites act as a filter. A woman who is willing to pay for a membership or go through a verification process is usually more serious and less likely to be a scammer. It’s a key reason we recommend them in our guide to the best international dating sites.
Can a scammer fake a video call?
It is very difficult. While advanced scams exist, 99% of scammers will refuse to video chat. Insisting on a live video call where you can have a real-time conversation is one of the most effective ways to verify someone’s identity.
She sent me a copy of her passport, is she legitimate?
Not necessarily. Scammers often use stolen or forged documents. A passport copy is not proof of identity or sincerity. A live video call is far more reliable.
Do reputable sites like the ones you recommend have scammers on them?
No site can eliminate 100% of scammers, but reputable sites invest heavily in moderation and verification to remove them quickly. Your risk is significantly lower on a top-tier paid site than on a free-for-all platform.
Where can I report a romance scam?
You should report it to the dating site where you met them, the social media app they used, and your country’s consumer protection or cybercrime agency, such as the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) in the United States.
